pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
