ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
