This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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