That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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