anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
