3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
too bad you live with your parents still
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I would fuck him just for his dog
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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