I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
