Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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