i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
