i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
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Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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