I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
