I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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