The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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