I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
