Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
