Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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