its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
