I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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