you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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