Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
