Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Acid is not a monday night drug
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
