its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like death gave me a hand job
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
