At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
