my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Boobs are out for the taking
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
