we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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