I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
