It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I think I died a long time ago.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Just puked most of my soul out..
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
