Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
