I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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