the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
