I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
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We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
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This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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