U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
