I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
