somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
