I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
