I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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