from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
