Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
