Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
