I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
