When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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