He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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