im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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