you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i love accidental penises.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
