Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
