i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
