I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
