What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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