its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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