ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
