please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
