Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
