Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
