just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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