How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Randomize
