i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
