ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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