Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
