Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
