I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
