i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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