Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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