Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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