If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
