The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
