i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
