we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Randomize
