Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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