Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
